"You can say that you were meaning to do something,
or that you wanted to do it . . .
but if you had really wanted to or meant to, you would have . . . "
something a friend recently said to me
This idea intrigued me greatly. Granted, we were talking about doing the dishes, but it struck me as true for many of my actions, large and small. Certainly, I mean to wash the dishes more than I actually manage to, mostly because I don't really want to in the first place.
One of my ideas for this year was to volunteer to work at the Sundance Film Festival, and although I kept meaning to fill out the application form and send it in, I didn't. I kept forgetting to do it, and when I remembered, it was never convenient, so I never did. And now the window of opportunity has closed.
According to the thought I started this post with, I must not have wanted to go to Utah so badly. I guess I'm ok with that assessment, but it makes me wonder what I really do want to accomplish with my remaining weeks of leave. As another friend reminded me on Sunday, my leave is almost half over.
November is over, my online writing class has finished, and the upcoming turn of the earth back to the sun all seem to me to be a perfect time to contemplate the future. What is important enough to me? I'll let you know what I figure out.